Living with a melanoma

Archive for March, 2013

Miracles do happen

Today we went to the hospital for Steve’s lymph node biopsy.  There is something hideous about waiting, yet again, in yet another shabby waiting area – made relentlessly cheery by the addition of a few dog eared posters.

 We know about ‘crooked thinking’ (I teach it in workshops – I ought to know) , we know that investigation doesn’t equal definite, but our skewed take on life means that we think of ‘worst case’ and work from there.  We even came across the black bags that we used last time for the post op drains and unspoken, agreed that they ‘might come in handy’. Steve was ashen this morning and whilst waiting needed to do a wee quite disproportionally to the amount he had drunk. The radiographer called him with a voice that sounded to me very much like that of an executioner from death row.

And, within minutes Steve bounced back – and I mean bounced.  ‘We can go, he can’t find it’.  ‘Incompetence’, I inwardly screamed, and gently said – well, did he scan it, did he look?  (Funny how a nursing background makes you a leading expert on all things medical!) .  Well, he did do an ultrasound and there was no node to biopsy – did you hear me – no node to biopsy!

Now, I’ve told you before, miracles are low on the evidence base continuum, but we all prayed and now there is no node.   Find another reason if you like – but I know where my loyalties lie.  

We do still have to wait for the results of the CT scan – but we feel much more positive about that now.  So, here we are, back at home – rethinking, reprioritising and being hopeful.  What a difference a day makes.  Praise God.

 

a certain familiarity

Well friends, we wait with bated breath again.  On a routine follow up the consultant found a lump in Steve’s unoperated side.  ‘Oh dear’ we said (or words to that effect).  We don’t know what it is yet – it may be a passing enlarged lymph node, doing what lymph nodes should do, reacting to infection.  The surgeon said it could be an artery (really?!) or it could be that the cancer has returned.  Steve had a CT scan Friday evening and will have a lymph node biopsy and ultrasound on Wednesday.  And then we wait for a phone call, a letter, an appointment.  And we pray.

We have moved on a long way since we last blogged – we now both work full time (that’s about 60 hours each a week) on our business and will fully open the gym in the village at the beginning of April.  Our online system is being actively considered by a national company so we really just do not have time for the cancer to return with all the angst that that brings.

One thing we really should have done is book our ‘once in a life time trip’ to China – but when the CT results come through clear – that will be the first thing we will do.

We all know that life is finite but we are still surprised when we are confronted with the possibility of our own mortality.  Our biggest challenge is to not allow the fear of the future impinge on the present – to live every day and not to cloud it with the threat of impending doom.

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